Hello! I’m Bella and this is my first post! I’m excited to be here and meet new little friends and other people in general. How are you? I’m good, today has been pretty good. Took out the trash, got medicine refilled, and other stuff. Well that’s all I can really think of to post right now so bye bye!
The matter of how we got from point A to point B is pretty long.
When we met Daddy was living in Grand Junction Colorado, USA and I was living on the other hemisphere down in Punta Alta Buenos Aires, Argentina. He had never before left the states and didn’t even have a passport. I’ve travelled quite a lot in my lifetime but was pretty broke.
From the time when we started talking until we finally met 6 months went by. When we first met I was in a very bad place. It seemed like we would never be able to see each other in person, since I didn’t have a place of my own to meet or the means to get to where Daddy was.
It was especially bad with my family to the point where we did not talk to each other after years of abuse, since there was no bond there anymore. My biological parent Jonathan was a sole trader working as a network engineer and I knew he was struggling to get by with the amount of work. We’d already walked together before this point.
I was living with my ex since I had nowhere else to go, and even though we were still friends he hadn’t moved on completely so this made the environment especially toxic.
I was working rotating shifts at a gas station: 2 days in the morning, then afternoon, last day at night with only 4 days off a month. Plus my boss was a misogynist and the girls I worked with made my day to day even more stressful, the customers didn’t help either since a girl working the gas pumps (you don’t pump your own gas in Argentina) was apparently an offense, and more often it would be the women that would give me shit.
Daddy gave me the strength to mend bridges. I gave Roxanna (biological mother) a chance to talk again. That didn’t go well, she’s completely cut out of my life at the moment and that will not change any time soon. However Jonathan welcomed me back as a business partner, and now I have a very cool job that takes me around the world, which was what got me out of that toxic environment. Its also a job that gives me more independence and freedom to do things the right way and how I like them.
After 6 months of these changes and developments, and a lot of development between Daddy and me we were trying to figure out how to see each other. I couldn’t go over there since I hadn’t finished my first season of work so there wasn’t enough cash. He’d finally gotten his passport, and was working at a call center for the summer over there trying to save up to come see me. I was living at Jonathans house in Uruguay since he was travelling around the USA in his plane and he only came back for work anyway.
So after new years with his family and once I was done with my season Daddy takes a plane and on the 9th of January 2018 in Montevideo, Uruguay we finally met in person. And it was awkward, we were both so nervous and it was so strange to actually touch each other. It wasn’t the way we’d been imagining it, there were no fireworks or tears just nervous laughter and a lot of anxious touching and hugs. On the way back there was a lot of hand holding and some groping which surprised me. I was still a mess of nerves. It was only after an hour long drive once we’d got back to my room and decompressed that we realized that deep pain we’d been feeling in our chests constantly was finally gone.
Those 3 months together in Piriapolis were amazing. And there were plenty of tears. Drama. Wonderful breakfasts, lazy days in bed, we went to a natural reserve, hung out with some of my friends, had plenty of sex to make up for the time apart, and got to know each other. Because by that point we did know each other very well on a level most people never do, but it was so nice to learn all those little details, feelings, and scents you just cant get from a screen. Or you don’t notice at the time. The mundane domestic life was amazing together.
On the 26th of June 2017 we messaged each other on a dd/lg Amino at exactly the same time. We’d been snooping around each others profiles and I’d left a comment on his wall, so evidently we were both in agreement about when to start talking.
After that we texted each other every single day and were mutually refreshed by being able to have a non sexual conversation with another 18+ member of the community.
We didn’t use any special terms or names, we didn’t call each other anything really. I found out he was vegan and monogamous, he found out I has a hardcore omnivore and polyamorous (I like to date and have sex with many people at the same time). These were our red flags, and the only big ones we ever received. But we decided that we liked each other enough to work it out.
Now this is very important: He judged me for being poly and I felt hurt. I felt like this beautiful new relationship was broken and would never work out, like everything else in my life. It was so bad, and we’d only been talking for a week at this point, he made me cry. I don’t cry easily. However in the same day he asked to be forgiven, and sent me the most heartwarming assessment of my character. This was the point where I realized he cared about me as a person enough to overcome his own bias and imposed morality, and I knew I wanted him to be my Daddy.
Relationships take a lot of work, and they can make you hurt much more than loneliness. They can make you feel lonely. But when that pain isn’t caused maliciously, it’s worth holding on and fighting.
Hello today I want to talk to you guys about my littlespace. I know that that is something that’s personal to everyone and it’s different for everyone so today we’re in and talk about what that means for me. Keep in mind I know that everyone has their own experiences this is just what I go through with getting into littlespace and what it means when I am in littlespace.
Little space can be really hard sometimes. My adult self has a hard time rationalizing why I need this space. I belittle myself and talk down to myself really I’m a huge bully to myself about this when I’m in a big head space and start to crave it. I suffer through both depression and GAD. A lot of the times that means that my brain is a lot more mean to me then most people have to do with. So justifying this stuff that I have the gigantic stuffies, the princess tent, the binks, all of those things are difficult for me to be OK with the fact that I own when I’m in a bigger space and I’m not feeling the greatest.
Getting into little space can range from really freaking easy to almost impossible. Sometimes all it takes is me be in my myself and picking up a toy and realizing that it has a rattle in it. Other times it takes daddy hours and hours to get me into that head space. Pet names that help with little space are things like Doll, Baby Girl, Princess, Little One, and anything “Daddy’s”. Daddy says when he makes awesome “little” areas it works really easy too. His example was the time he made our ENTIRE LIVING ROOM into a sheet fort. It was everything a girl could ask for- instant littlespace. My stuffed animals are usually a really big help and of course my princess tent. There are bunch of other stuff but that’s all I can think of right now.
I have 2 types of I have 2 types of littlespace. One is this sweet, adorable, giggly, bubbly, playful little girl. I like to play with my toes, have my binks, my stuffies are the greatest things alive (yes, alive). Then there’s this bratty, boundary pushing girl that tries to make Daddy mad, and it usually works. That’s usually where I like to read and color, watch disney or play video games for fun. It’s a middle/ little mashup. Very sexual, whereas my sweet space isn’t. Totally mood dependent Daddy doesn’t really have control over which one comes up 😉
I feel like I’ve rambled a lot. I would love to answer questions, or even hear about your littlespace.